[$17.90] / [£14.95]
Still juicing lemons on your nose, elbow or genitals? Not anymore! The Juice Bruce Lemon Squeezer is here to help! On the surface Juice Bruce looks like a bit of wood with a face on that you can jam into fruits, but really he's so much more than that. He's ergonomically designed for your hands, he's versatile, he's romantic, he's a tender lover, he writes excellent poetry, he is so many things. He probably makes a great dildo too, but only after you've removed the citrus pulp from his face.
[$23] / [£16.99]
From the author of Bathing in Wine, Shaving with Milk and Dancing in Pepsi comes this astounding new book - Cooking With Beer. This essential collection of beer-based bites contains 75 spectacular recipes using a range of beers including instructions for beer sandwiches, beer tacos, beer cakes, beer frittatas and probably some kind of beer beer. I don’t know, I haven't read it, all I know is I wholeheartedly approve of new ways to get myself drunk.
[$40.49] / [£29.99]
Do you like shiny multi-coloured things that sparkle and shimmer? Then you'll love this brand new range of unicorn jizz tinned for freshness. Oh, and also this Hologram Backpack is pretty nifty too. Made from tough polyester this backpack will ensure you definitely don't look like a back-spack, and it comes with an inner laptop divider, media port and a hidden port, where you could store a knife to stab people who laugh at your new backpack.
[$20.29] / [£14]
The Desktop Cinema Light Box is a battery powered table lamp which comes with 69 acetate letters, numbers and symbols along with 6 blank customisable tiles allowing you to display the title of your favourite movie. It doesn't matter if you like Schindler's List or Backdoor Thundersluts 5, you can write whatever you want on this lovely light-up ornament because it's your house and you make the rules.
Remember those lovely folks at Box Brew Kits with their Beer Making shenanigans? Well they're back and this time they're helping you make your own wine! What kind of wine? Delicious wine. Is there any other kind? No. All wine is delicious. But if you want the specifics then anything from a Chilean Merlot to a Pinot Noir is possible with this kit. You could probably make some Blue Nun if you tried really hard. This kit comes with enough stuff, junk and whatsits to make five gallons of wonderful forget-me-juice, and you can be drinking your own fancy-pants grown-up grape juice in as little as four weeks. That's less than the time it takes to buy wine in shops! If you're too drunk to walk that is.
As the summer months approach there are two things you'll begin to smell - the delicious aroma of charred meat and the musty stench of hot garbage. So why not combine the two with this wonderful Po Man Charcoal BBQ Grill! This bit of kit is a fully working charcoal grill disguised as a regular trash can, so not only can you throw meat on it for cooking al-fresco, but inevitably some idiots will think it’s a regular garbage can and use it to store their trash. Inside you'll find a coal box, starter pan, skewers and a temperature adjusting vent, but none of this will matter when you realise someone has thrown a used diaper on top of your lightly charred steak. I think it'll enhance the flavour if anything.
Justin Timberleaf is my favourite music song guy, and now the clever sod has gone and made a camping trailer to! The Timberleaf Camping Trailer is easily towed by most passenger vehicles and provides a lovely warm place to sleep when you're out camping in the woods stalking your ex-girlfriend. Weighing at under 1,200 pounds, or half a Rosie O'Donnell, the Timberleaf comes equipped with a queen mattress, generous storage space, and a washing station. You know, to wash your lovely portion in.
Unless you've trained animals or children to carry your shit for you lugging junk around can be rather laborious, and let's be honest, grown men wearing backpacks look like child molesters. The Tanner Goods Cargo Carryall has no such image problem, as this rugged military-style utility bag makes you look like a real man carrying manly things for your day as a regular non-molesting man. Made from 18oz olive cotton canvas and equipped with a clash hook, duffle keeper and grommet hardware, the Cargo Carryall will last longer than a condom in a virgin's wallet - guaranteed.
Classic Ford Broncos are a US company who fix up and pimp out old Ford Broncos, because if they restored old Cadillacs their name would make no god damn sense. This 1974 wooden bronco is a one of a kind restore job available to one lucky person with $74,900 to spaff in their general direction. The car itself is powered by a fuel-injected 302 V8 engine and comes with automatic transmission, power steering, power disc brakes, and a shitload of wood stuck to its bodywork. The wood is marine-grade, which I assume makes it waterproof, but I don't know what I'm talking about, so don't trust me. I could've made this car up for all you know. I probably have.
[$598] / [£449.25]
Listening to music on vinyl is a rich, fulfilling experience only spoiled by the fact that you look like a right twat playing records off a turntable, especially if you're sat on the subway. The Sony Hi-Res USB Turntable is the solution to all your audio woes, as it allows you to capture all the delicious sounds of old-timey record players into a lossless DSD or WAV file. Copy the tracks via USB to your PC, Mac or USB compatible trousers, then you can compress the shit out of them into an mp3 and store it on your phone if you want. I don't know why you would, but you could.