[$299.99]
The Analogue 3D is the ultimate love letter to the Nintendo 64 — rebuilt from scratch with modern hardware, zero emulation, and flawless 4K output. This is the N64 you remember, not the one you actually played. With full support for original cartridges, wireless and wired controller options, and Analogue’s famously perfect build quality, the 3D brings one of gaming’s most iconic eras into the future. Crystal-clear visuals, accurate gameplay, and that nostalgic boot-up feeling… but better. If you grew up on GoldenEye, Mario 64, or Ocarina of Time, this is the definitive way to replay them — or introduce them to someone new. Cool shit level: extremely high.

[$3,360] / [£2,315]
You thought The Cloud was that place you’d uploaded all of your pornography, but you’d be wrong. The Cloud is also an awesome multimedia device which you most certainly need in your life. This interactive speaker and lamp can stream music and create ambient light displays based on your awful music collection. It probably rains when Kesha comes on. If you ask it nicely it’ll also mimic a thunderstorm using sound and light, just like Storm from the X-Men when she’s wasted. Made from LEDs and hypoallergenic polyester fiber, these clouds are in high demand, so buy one now before Jesus sails down on his surf-cloud and batters you to death with his neon fists.

[$99]
As the number of portable electronic devices we carry increases, so does our requirement for an efficient and simple charging solution. But if you thought filling your pockets with radioactive spiders would help then you are sadly mistaken and also an idiot. The Zolt multi charger is your real saviour, coming as it does with three USB ports and a bunch of adapters allowing you to charge tablets, smartphones, laptops, and probably a blender if you MacGyver the shit out of it. And when you’re on your death bed being slowly consumed by thousands of smartphone induced tumors, you’ll thank your lucky stars that at least you’ve got enough power left to view one more snapchat. Ohh look, Lewis had a burrito for dinner. I can die happy.

[$32.49] / [£24.99]
Ever since I played Super Mario Bros as a kid I've spent at least 80% of my life punching bricks in the hope that coins will one day emerge. My fists are now nothing more than a bloody pulp, but I could've avoided all this tragic mess if I'd simply bought this Question Block Light. Look, it's exactly like the one in the game! How cool and copyright infringey is that? Powered by USB or batteries the block also emits a little ping noise if you press it, but if you kick the fucker out of a window it makes no noise whatsoever. What a jip.

[$425] / [£350]
Did you know there's a 1 Terabyte Playstation 4 Pro out? You do now. And as soon as you've stopped foaming in your pants you'll be even more excited to learn that this particular version supports faster framerates, 4K streaming and a bunch of other things you won't notice while you're telling someone what their mum does with an aubergine behind McDonalds. Available in various console bundles including a Call of Duty Legacy one that nobody will ever buy, the PS4 1TB Pro also comes with a receipt, so you can take it back and trade it in for an xBox One like a not-idiot.

[$394.82] / [£279.99]
The Nintendo Switch is what you get when the Wii gets knocked up by a Gamecube and out spurts some half-breed nonsense. With its dock, Joy Con and Joy Con Grip able to be used for personal, tabletop and four-way play, the Switch's major selling point is that it allows you to enjoy the home console experience on the go; a feature nobody asked for but everyone's gonna get. I like to sit nude and alone in the dark when I'm playing games, so now I guess I'll have to do the same thing on the bus instead.

[$37.19] / [£29.99]
This officially licensed Pac-Man lamp is a fine addition to the bedroom of any man or woman who wishes to stay pure and virginal for an extended period of time. The lamp comes with a remote control that allows you to dim old Pac for a little mood lighting, but the real fun is to be had with his 12 built in sound effects. That WakkaWakka noise and Pac-Man's death rattle are two notable ones, but my favourite sound effect is when Pac-Man goes on a half hour rant about the AIDS epidemic which threatened to engulf the world during the 80's. I think it comes from a Mrs Pac-Man Easter Egg.

[$199]
Laptops are notoriously thirsty for juice, as are tablets, smartphones, handheld consoles and mains-powered dildos. But the HP Laptop Powering Backpack offers a solution, albeit one that gives you yet another thing you've got to remember to charge.The HP Backpack's built-in 22400 mAh battery can charge up to three devices if you've remembered to pack their respective chargers, and if you haven't, you could always jump in the bathtub with it on and kill yourself.

[$FREE]
If our grandparents knew that one day we'd 3D print a device to help us drink sugary water while playing 18 hours of video games, they'd have not bothered fighting any wars and probably shot themselves instead. This Nintendo Switch Joy Con Drink Holder is the pinnacle of human laziness, as not only does it allow you to play your Switch and drink at the same time, but you don't even have to get up to buy it. All the files you need to 3D print this bitch are available online. And if you haven't got a 3D printer, just put some concrete in your regular printer. I'm sure it'll work.

[$55]
I love two things; gaming on the go and wearing really tight yoga pants. Unfortunately, this means that I look quite weird when I'm walking down the street with a huge console stuffed down my crotch. But lucky for me there's a teeny tiny solution to this problem in the form of the Keychain Game Boy by PocketSprite. Approximately "quite small", this midget-sized gadget allows you to play tonnes of retro Game Boy, Game Gear and Master System games. And you can update your collection of titles using bluetooth and Wi-Fi. All we need now is a way to compress an xbox into a space the size of a lipstick and we're good to go.

[$24.99] / [£39.99]
Ah Monopoly, a board game classic that's the source of at least 90% of all family arguments - the other 10% being incest-related. The Monopoly Ultimate Banking Game edition provides a timely update to the board game's traditional style, adding new elements such as instant cashless transaction and flexible property prices that rise and fall depending on where you land. Of course, if this game wanted to be truly accurate it would come with six bags of cocaine and a bribe for the mayor. We can but dream.