[£169.99]
The Nerf N Strike Elite Terrascout Remote Control Drone Blaster has the longest product name since the Gillette Fusion Hyperslice Macho Genocide 9/11 Truth Bonecruncher 9000 Grizzly Urban Power Cock Donkey Punch Razor 2 - The Conjuring. But it's still a pretty nifty little bit of kit for faffing with on Christmas Day. This Nerf-firing drone also films live video of your vicious foam assaults, making them far more accountable than the actual military. There will be no undocumented war crimes here little Timmy, and with all operations including drone movement, camera shots and dart deployment all handled by a single controller, you'll terrorise babies, grandma and small animals with ease. However, the Nerf N Strike Drone can only be purchased at one place, as it's a Toys R Us exclusive…just like Geoffrey's nudes, the massive giraffe pervert.

[$19.89]
The Hornet claims to be the world's smallest stun gun, and with 6,000,000 volts packed into this baby who are you to argue? Nobody, that's who, because I'll shock your nuts right off if you even look at me wrong. It also comes with a flashlight, you know, so you can see who's trying to molest you before you zap them in the throat. Weighing less than 2 ounces and measuring just half an inch thick, the Hornet is discrete enough to carry with you at all times. So the next time the dog's barking too loudly, the kids are playing up or your bound and gagged partner needs a little love shock, the Hornet will be on hand to fulfil all of your brutal, tasing requirements.

[$149]
Worried about getting shafted from behind by some dick in an Audi? Worry no more, because the Waylens 360 Dashboard Cam is here to save the day. This dashboard mounted security camera captures everything that's happening from every angle of your car, unless your fat ass is sat in the way of it. And this handy gadget isn't just useful when you're driving either. The Waylens also transmits video directly to your smartphone, so when that asshole kid from next door is keying your side panels again, you'll have enough evidence to justify doing the same thing to his face later that night.

[$199]
If you're about to buy a security camera for your home what's the first thing you look out for? Is it one that does the job and catches criminals in the act of taking a dump on your sofa? Or would you rather prioritise a camera that looks fancy? If you're part of the latter camp then you're a moron, but its fine, because the Hive Home Security Camera ticks both of your boxes. Boasting a 130 degree field of view, 1080p HD recording quality and a smartphone alert system, this security camera is one of the least crappy looking devices out there on the market. It was designed by the man who made Sodastream Source, so you know it's badass.

[$9.99]
I have many enemies, mostly because I’m so handsome. It makes me happy when my nemesis feels pain, yet with so called “laws” and “prison terms” stabbing your arch-rivals has become a bureaucratic nightmare. Instead, why not Ship Your Enemies Glitter? For $9.99 you can send an envelope full of shiny shit to anywhere in the world. You can include a message if you want. Described by the site as “craft herpes”, the glitter will irritate your enemy for days by getting in their clothes, eyes and foreskins. I’ve thought of a sequel to this site. Ship Your Enemies Gary Glitter. If you don’t know who that is…google him.

[$24.99] / [£15.50]
A pen that could save your life. The Tactical Defender pen is made from aircraft aluminum and has a glass breaker crown, hidden under which is a handcuff key! One of the stand out features though, is the pointed DNA catcher crown which you can use to get a sample of your would be attackers DNA, neato. The pocket clip is removable and you can write with it upside down AND underwater.