[$180]
Investing in solar power became a wise idea from the minute Donald Trump pulled out of the Paris agreement and essentially grabbed Mother Nature right in the pussy. The planet is going to sh*t and there is not much you or I can do to stop it. However, what you can do is pay less for your electricity before the apocalypse happens. These Solargaps Solar Panel Window Blinds are a piece of piss to install, they store energy via batteries for later use, and they will reduce your bills by 70%. Just think; you can use that money to buy a revolver to kill yourself when the Ozone layer sods off.

[$149]
Not enough stuff does enough stuff for my liking. My shoes don't tell me the time, I can't take a dump in my sofa, and my toaster won't have sex with me despite years of flirting. The volterman smart wallet is an exception, though, as this saucy little cash holder will also charge your phone, provide a wi-fi hotspot, alert you using bluetooth and it even lets you track the bastard using gps technology. And if that wasn't enough for you you greedy bastard, the volterman also comes with a memory card, RFID protection and a thief detection camera. I have my own thief detection camera though. It's called my sight. It goes well with my thief repellant tool. It's called a knife.

[$55]
I love two things; gaming on the go and wearing really tight yoga pants. Unfortunately, this means that I look quite weird when I'm walking down the street with a huge console stuffed down my crotch. But lucky for me there's a teeny tiny solution to this problem in the form of the Keychain Game Boy by PocketSprite. Approximately "quite small", this midget-sized gadget allows you to play tonnes of retro Game Boy, Game Gear and Master System games. And you can update your collection of titles using bluetooth and Wi-Fi. All we need now is a way to compress an xbox into a space the size of a lipstick and we're good to go.

[$161.69] / [£99.99]
The world's first WiFi kettle! Boil it from anywhere in the world? Program it to wake you up with a boil alert or set it to welcomes you home, all via your mobile device!