[$3,900]
Remember that episode of South Park where Mr Garrison designed a gyroscope powered monowheel called the IT that you had to steer by sucking and jerking penis-shaped levers? Well imagine that, but minus all the dicks. This Motorised Monocycle will cost you a million pretty pennies, but it's worth it for the chance to look like a not-at-all weird futuristic space guy. Capable of travelling at 25 mph thanks to its 31cc four-stroke 1 and a half horsepower engine, you could definitely add dildos to this if you wanted.

Remember the three wolf moon tee, well this is even better obviously! Three Hippos and a moon on a tee!

This tee will fit your girthy frame, has wolves on it and attracts women. Unfortunately it only has 3 wolves (could probably use a few more on the 'guns'), you cannot see wolves when sitting with arms crossed, the wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark.




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