[$26] / [£19.99]
Has anyone ever asked you to project whatever shite you're watching on your phone onto a wall, so they and everyone around you can bask in its glory? No, me neither. But if you have experienced this unlikely scenario then you'll need this Smartphone Projector 2.0, as its capable of turning Youtube vids, streamed content and homemade phone porn into a cinematic viewing experience. Available in both a black / gold or copper design, this bastard will work straight out of the box with both the iPhone 6 and the iPhone 6s. Does it work with any other phones? I do not know. Why not buy it and find out for yourself you lazy git.

[$86.79] / [£69.99]
Wish you could use different lenses with the iPhone to take ever more elaborate pictures of your ugly wife, disappointing kids and bland, tasteless meals? Great. Then you'll probably want this Olloclip set of iPhone lenses won't you, you fatuitous prick. Apparently these lenses have similar perspectives to DSLR cameras, but I don't care. They also include fish-eye, super wide 120 degree view, and some other bobbins too, but I don't care about that either. Look, if you're going buy this stuff will you just do it and leave me alone? Thank you.

[$99]
If you want to take a selfie from high up in the air you've got four options. First, buy a selfie stick and look like a prick. Second, stretch your arms out using medieval torture equipment. Third, throw it up in the air and hope for the best. Or fourth, buy an Airselfie Flying Smartphone Camera, which is compatible with both android and Samsung phones. Because windows and blackberry can go fuck themselves. Basically, it's a smartphone case with a drone camera in it, but you don't have to stop at selfies. Why not fly above ladies and film down their tops? Use it to scope out your ever-increasing bald patch. Or even give a tiny baby mouse the ride of its life and film the whole thing. Go on you cow, you know you want to.

[$199.99]
Ketchup is fun. Mayonnaise is fun. Combine them? Seafood sauce. Paper airplanes are fun. Drones are fun. Combine them? This Paper Airplane VR Drone Model Kit. Capable of speeds up to 20mph and able to fly for ten minutes on a single charge, what's even more fancy is that the drone's on-board camera can be synched to your smartphone, which in turn can be placed into the accompanying Google Cardboard headset. You know what that means don't you? This drone can be used to peep into ladies' bedrooms and recreate in virtual reality what it would feel like to be some kind of hovering pervert.

[$45]
Who needs stupid electricity anyway? That's what I always say. Because of electricity we can't take toasters in baths, we have to run away when lightning happens, and we've lost some of the world's most enchanting serial killers. I hate electricity so much. So I'm really glad that this Jollylook Cardboard Vintage Camera eschews the use of power and allows you to take photographs using nothing more than cardboard and some holes. It works using Instax film and its body is entirely comprised of recycled materials, so as well as taking pictures you can be a right smug prick about it too.

[$199]
The Pup Pocket Scanner is a small, wireless scanner capable of capturing images and text on the go. Seen some interesting toilet graffiti? Break out the Pup. Weird stain on your shorts? The Pup will snap a shot. Literally anything that is scannable can be scanned with the scantastic scanning abilities of the Pup Pocket Scanner. And the best part is, if you accidentally leave it on all day, you'll come home to 3,945,985,472 pictures of your pocket. Hooray!

[$149]
Worried about getting shafted from behind by some dick in an Audi? Worry no more, because the Waylens 360 Dashboard Cam is here to save the day. This dashboard mounted security camera captures everything that's happening from every angle of your car, unless your fat ass is sat in the way of it. And this handy gadget isn't just useful when you're driving either. The Waylens also transmits video directly to your smartphone, so when that asshole kid from next door is keying your side panels again, you'll have enough evidence to justify doing the same thing to his face later that night.

[$19.59] / [£14.99]
Do you have a face like a slapped arse? Worry not you grotesquely ugly freak, for this Take Better Selfies Lens Kit is here to save you...probably. I mean you can't polish a turd; trust me, I've tried. But what you can do is take less crappy photographs of your unfortunately constructed mug thanks to the array of clip-on lenses included in this deluxe 5 in 1 kit.

[$129]
Here is a new kind of camera which is a lot like an old kind of camera except it's new. The Lomo'Instant Square Camera works with both Fujifilm and Instax Square Film; both of which are too f**king expensive if you ask me. The Lomo also has multiple exposure and colour gel filter capabilities, which makes me so happy inside I think I've pissed myself. This Kickstarter project will ship next year, or never if we all die in a nuclear apocalypse beforehand.

[$115] / [£95]
If you want an instant physical photograph these days you're forced to go to a photo booth, and it's difficult to have a party slash orgy in those tiny things. Instead, you could just use Polaroid's new Onestep 2 i-Type Instant Camera, whose name is as about as catchy as a nine hour silent opera. This new Polaroid model has a 2ft to infinity lens, 60-day rechargable battery and a self time function. It prints instantly onto 3 by 3 inch film and can use black and white or colour, depending on how depressing you want your life to look.

[$199]
If you're about to buy a security camera for your home what's the first thing you look out for? Is it one that does the job and catches criminals in the act of taking a dump on your sofa? Or would you rather prioritise a camera that looks fancy? If you're part of the latter camp then you're a moron, but its fine, because the Hive Home Security Camera ticks both of your boxes. Boasting a 130 degree field of view, 1080p HD recording quality and a smartphone alert system, this security camera is one of the least crappy looking devices out there on the market. It was designed by the man who made Sodastream Source, so you know it's badass.

[€25]
What would you do with an inflatable, 25 inch version of yourself? Would you touch its special area? Send it to an ex lover? Or would you use it as a stand in for social occasions you can't be arsed to attend? The 25inchme company doesn't care how grotesque your reasons are for wanting one, as they'll ship you a 25 inch inflatable version of you, Hitler or your neighbour's son wherever you like in as little as ten days. No questions asked. Probably. Don't test them on that.