[£24.50]

Is this the droid you were looking for? Haha get it, that’s like the line from that fucking film isn’t it? I wish I was dead. If you’re as big a Star Trek fan as I clearly am you’ll love this Sphero BB-8 Remote Control droid is just for you. Not only can you guide its movements using tablet and smartphone apps, it also listens to voice commands…unlike my bitch of a girlfriend who just ignores them. Make Captain Jean Luc Picard happy by buying a Sphero BB-8 today…unless you’re too angry that I got Star Wars and Star Trek mixed up. If you did, have a word with yourself.

As the human brain is given ever more useless junk to remember, like birthdays, your lover’s name and CPR, eventually something has to give way. Apparently that thing is “using your brain to count and stuff”, because with the Wilson X Connected Basketball you’ll never need to use your brain-pulp to keep track of scores ever again. This ritzy tricked out rock comes with a built in processor and all sorts of algorithms and shit. Using the accompanying app you can then keep track of scores, play different game modes, and scientifically determine how much you suck at basketball. Neato!

Note: This product is no longer available.

[$139] / [£96.90]
Ever wanted to spy on your neighbours at night from the comfort of your own bush? Of course you have, and now with the Snooperscope perving on strangers is easier than ever. The Snooperscope is a portable wireless gadget that uses your smartphone or tablet as a screen and the infrared light as a source to enable you to see in low light and total darkness. Suitable for iPhone, iPad, Android smartphones and tablets, you could use this to watch animals if you wanted, but most of you will probably use it for dogging.

[$19.95]
There are some very specific problems in this modern world of ours. Some are annoying, such as terrorism or gluten intolerance. But others are downright tragic, such as the inability to charge your phone when there’s a sofa in the way. Thankfully we’ll never see another tragic dead iPhone splashed across the front pages of the newspapers ever again thanks to the Blockhead Side Facing Apple Charger. It works with every iPad and every Macbook, unlike anything else ever invented ever.

[$99]
As the number of portable electronic devices we carry increases, so does our requirement for an efficient and simple charging solution. But if you thought filling your pockets with radioactive spiders would help then you are sadly mistaken and also an idiot. The Zolt multi charger is your real saviour, coming as it does with three USB ports and a bunch of adapters allowing you to charge tablets, smartphones, laptops, and probably a blender if you MacGyver the shit out of it. And when you’re on your death bed being slowly consumed by thousands of smartphone induced tumors, you’ll thank your lucky stars that at least you’ve got enough power left to view one more snapchat. Ohh look, Lewis had a burrito for dinner. I can die happy.

[$86.79] / [£69.99]
Wish you could use different lenses with the iPhone to take ever more elaborate pictures of your ugly wife, disappointing kids and bland, tasteless meals? Great. Then you'll probably want this Olloclip set of iPhone lenses won't you, you fatuitous prick. Apparently these lenses have similar perspectives to DSLR cameras, but I don't care. They also include fish-eye, super wide 120 degree view, and some other bobbins too, but I don't care about that either. Look, if you're going buy this stuff will you just do it and leave me alone? Thank you.

[$19.95]
Throw away all the tools in your house right now. Have you done that? Good. Now purchase this Ifixit Essential Electronics Toolkit, as it promises to replace 99% of the gadgets you use to repair household electronic items. I probably should've specified that beforehand. Oh well. This handy piece of ass contains a magnetized driver handle, precision tweezers, opening tools, a spudger, and all the screwdriver bits you'll ever need in a lovely portable carrying case. This set should prove especially useful during the short period between breaking your phone and taking it to the repair shop, you know, that time when you convince yourself you can fix your cracked screen using a Youtube tutorial and a Pritt Stick.

[$29.89] / [£22.99]
As Kanye West would no doubt profess, losing one's shit can be a traumatic experience. But while we can't help you with a bout of insanity, these Tile Mate Bluetooth Trackers can make losing your actual marbles a thing of the past. By linking with an app installed on your smartphone, these Bluetooth tracking devices help you find your lost Macbook, wallet, luggage or child by letting out an inhuman scream if they're located within 100 feet. And if not, one of Tile's other 5 million users will help find it for you. Or they'll steal it and not tell you. That's what I would do.

[$19.59] / [£14.99]
Do you have a face like a slapped arse? Worry not you grotesquely ugly freak, for this Take Better Selfies Lens Kit is here to save you...probably. I mean you can't polish a turd; trust me, I've tried. But what you can do is take less crappy photographs of your unfortunately constructed mug thanks to the array of clip-on lenses included in this deluxe 5 in 1 kit.

[$65]
I spend all day playing with my balls, and now kids can too thanks to The Hackaball. This is a programmable toy for kids who love technology but spend too much time sat on their fat asses. Using a simple app tiny humans can create their own games using the interior sensors, speakers and lights. High-tech hackey sack anyone? Or maybe it’s a bomb you have to pass around before the deadly blue light appears? Personally, I’d program it to make fart noises when thrown at ginger kids.

[$59.99] / [£32.99]
An Arcade cabinet with full-sized joystick and buttons for your iPad! Just connect via Bluetooth and load it up with a with some arcade classics from the app store, one of the best being Atari Greatest Hits App! The iCade is made from solid wood with a stylish retro design perfectly tailored for the iPad.