[$199]
The Pup Pocket Scanner is a small, wireless scanner capable of capturing images and text on the go. Seen some interesting toilet graffiti? Break out the Pup. Weird stain on your shorts? The Pup will snap a shot. Literally anything that is scannable can be scanned with the scantastic scanning abilities of the Pup Pocket Scanner. And the best part is, if you accidentally leave it on all day, you'll come home to 3,945,985,472 pictures of your pocket. Hooray!

[$129]
Here is a new kind of camera which is a lot like an old kind of camera except it's new. The Lomo'Instant Square Camera works with both Fujifilm and Instax Square Film; both of which are too f**king expensive if you ask me. The Lomo also has multiple exposure and colour gel filter capabilities, which makes me so happy inside I think I've pissed myself. This Kickstarter project will ship next year, or never if we all die in a nuclear apocalypse beforehand.

[€25]
What would you do with an inflatable, 25 inch version of yourself? Would you touch its special area? Send it to an ex lover? Or would you use it as a stand in for social occasions you can't be arsed to attend? The 25inchme company doesn't care how grotesque your reasons are for wanting one, as they'll ship you a 25 inch inflatable version of you, Hitler or your neighbour's son wherever you like in as little as ten days. No questions asked. Probably. Don't test them on that.

[$499]
The Cubioo Laser Engraver is the most compact laser engraver in the world...until someone makes a smaller one, or they put this one into a trash compactor. Capable of engraving designs into paper, wood, leather and human flesh, the Cubioo is ideal for personalising keychains and small pets alike. The Cubioo's laser is so powerful it could even cut through the moon, as well as fabric, felt and cardboard. So what are you waiting for you non-engraving idiot? Get one of these and start burning your name into stuff!

[$139]
Some people like to hang inspiring quotes or classic reprints of artwork on their walls, but not you. We like to think you lot are a different kind of classy, the kind who would instead decorate their rooms with a giant Where’s Wally / Waldo wall mural. This 2.53 by 2.70 feature can be hung using regular wallpaper paste; or a combination of your own human secretions if you want to add a touch of glamour to proceedings. So the next time your awful bedroom technique bores your lover, just distract them with this Where’s Wally / Waldo mural and finish yourself off under the covers. Just as the manufacturer intended.

[$35]
How much would you pay to be able to stamp Danny Devito’s face onto everything you own, and some stuff you don’t own. If the answer is $85 then you’re an idiot, that’s way too much. If it’s $2.45 then you don’t value this precious Hollywood midget enough, he is too fancy for you. If the answer is $35 plus postage and packing, then congratulations, you can own one of these handmade Danny Devito stamps made from rubber and wood. Give love letters a hilarious twist. Entertain your bank manager by signing cheques with Danny Devito. Stamp a priceless piece of art in a museum and then cover the guard in ink as he apprehends you. He’ll thank you later when his wife ravishes him.

[$7.21] / [£4.50]
Whether you need a quick and cheap Halloween costume or you just want to frighten kids at the local swimming baths, this easy to make Geometric Skull Mask will come in handy for a variety of horror based situations. You simply pay this particular etsy seller less than $8, they whizz over a PDF to you and you print out the template yourself! Easy peasy. They do a tonne of other awesome angular masks which you can decorate to your heart’s content, so go mental and buy yourself all of them. All you need is some glue or a glue-like substance, some tape, and something that can cut things like scissors, a knife, or a emo kid. Then you’re all set to create your own fancy skull mask. Isn’t that bloody marvellous? The future ay, I love it.

[$19.99 - 29.99]
Having no time for adventures, undercooked steak and not having toilet roll are probably the worst things that can ever happen to a human being. That or being born as Nicki Minaj. So when life hits you square in the gonads (problem 80), consult this handy A1 sized poster of 99 other problems to instantly feel better. Things could be worse right? You could be the guy who has to tan David Dickinson’s gooch, so stop crying, pull your socks up and realise there are way more problems you could be having.

[$30]
Check out this Life Hack poster, bringing you all the best life hacks in one easy to read and beautifully illustrated poster, it will be 24x36 inch and screen printed on paper from the French Paper Company. There are over 75 hacks all illustrated and described, as well as conversion scales of measurement, weight and temperatures. Guides on CPR, the Heimlich maneuver, keyboard shortcuts, morse code and a full size ruler at the bottom of the poster.

[$12-$85]
Can you guess the superheros on this high quality matte, ultra smooth, 100% cotton rag, acid and lignin free archival paper Giclée print of super heroes with tan lines? Well done you!