[$189] / [£130]
If you offered me a Floyd Leg for $189 I’d probably assume you meant one of Mayweather’s, and to be honest I’d pay double to see that man in a wheelchair. However the Floyd Leg is actually a clever piece of thinking that allows you to turn any flat surface into a table. This kit comprises of four powder coated metal legs which clamp on to any surface to make a table. 29 inches high, they are simple, portable, and require no tools to attach. So now you can make a dinner table from Grandma’s gravestone, just like you always wanted.

[$460] / [£320]
If you’re anything like me you came away from watching the Deadpool movie thinking “Wow, I wish I was a disfigured Ryan Reynolds in an all-in-one leather suit”. Well now you can get 50% of the way there by purchasing this Deadpool Replica Motorcycle Suit from Etsy. Coming in either full cowhide leather, sheep leather, or cordura and leather, this polyester lined suit is padded like an actual motorcycle suit and perfect for Cosplaying, Gimp Fights, or sobbing alone in your bedroom wishing you were cool. N.B. Sassy one liners and agonising internal tumors not included.

[$14.70] / [£10.24]
Unfortunately if you came here looking for a way you could pay to stamp on Nicolas Cage’s face we can’t help you, although if we’re honest his career has gone so shit so quickly he’d probably let you do it for free just to lick the gum off your shoe. This Nicolas Cage Face Stamp is of the inky variety, and I’m going to assume you know how a stamp works so let’s not concern ourselves with that. This is made from wood and rubber, just like Nicolas Cage’s face. That doesn’t make any sense. Leave me alone.

[$10.24] / [£7.12]
If people in your office are seriously starting to piss you off then you’ve got two options. Intimidate them by turning up to work in full body armour waving a Glock pistol and screaming “Death To The West!”, or buy this Co-Workers I Want To Punch In The Face Notebook. You’ll notice this notebook is quite specific about punching your enemies in the face. If you want to hit Carol from accounts straight in the groin with a swift tactical uppercut…you’re gonna need a different notebook. But if Chad from HR keeps on stealing your lunch / desk / organs…then it’s time to write that shit down.

[$40.49] / [£29.99]
Do you like shiny multi-coloured things that sparkle and shimmer? Then you'll love this brand new range of unicorn jizz tinned for freshness. Oh, and also this Hologram Backpack is pretty nifty too. Made from tough polyester this backpack will ensure you definitely don't look like a back-spack, and it comes with an inner laptop divider, media port and a hidden port, where you could store a knife to stab people who laugh at your new backpack.

[$23] / [£16.99]
From the author of Bathing in Wine, Shaving with Milk and Dancing in Pepsi comes this astounding new book - Cooking With Beer. This essential collection of beer-based bites contains 75 spectacular recipes using a range of beers including instructions for beer sandwiches, beer tacos, beer cakes, beer frittatas and probably some kind of beer beer. I don’t know, I haven't read it, all I know is I wholeheartedly approve of new ways to get myself drunk.

[$26] / [£19.99]
Has anyone ever asked you to project whatever shite you're watching on your phone onto a wall, so they and everyone around you can bask in its glory? No, me neither. But if you have experienced this unlikely scenario then you'll need this Smartphone Projector 2.0, as its capable of turning Youtube vids, streamed content and homemade phone porn into a cinematic viewing experience. Available in both a black / gold or copper design, this bastard will work straight out of the box with both the iPhone 6 and the iPhone 6s. Does it work with any other phones? I do not know. Why not buy it and find out for yourself you lazy git.

[£8]
If you've ever seen a large concrete structure and thought "christ that is one ugly bastard building", then chances are you've encountered the movement known as Brutalism. Brutalist architecture flourished between the 1950's and 1970's, and some of London's most god-awful examples have been lovingly documented in this, the Blue Crow Map of Brutalist London. So for the worst day out you've ever had in your life, why not pick up a copy and depress yourself beyond tablets with some of the most intimidating architecture England's capital city has to offer.

[$799.99] / [£549]
The ROLI Seaboard RISE 25 MIDI Keyboard is a piece of equipment which baffles me, but whose purpose I shall nevertheless attempt to figure out in exchange for money. Apparently it has seamless hardware-software integration, wireless Bluetooth MIDI capabilities, comes bundled with Equator and exudes a sleek, intuitive design suitable for newcomers and professionals. I guess it makes some kind of sweet music, maybe it's the kind of thing Kraftwerk would use? Ah apparently I'm right, as it's the world's first purpose built, multidimensional software synthesiser. Well strike me down with a frozen stool, aren't I clever? Fucking expensive though.

[$15.59] / [£11.99]
Pornogami Pornographic Origami is a great gift for someone you haven't slept with yet, but whose genitals you'd really love to get a look at...albeit in paper form. It comes with 128 pages of erotic instructions for making paper penises, tracing paper tits and foaming great cardboardfannies, and makes a great gift for both adults and children alike. Except children.