[$460] / [£320]
If you’re anything like me you came away from watching the Deadpool movie thinking “Wow, I wish I was a disfigured Ryan Reynolds in an all-in-one leather suit”. Well now you can get 50% of the way there by purchasing this Deadpool Replica Motorcycle Suit from Etsy. Coming in either full cowhide leather, sheep leather, or cordura and leather, this polyester lined suit is padded like an actual motorcycle suit and perfect for Cosplaying, Gimp Fights, or sobbing alone in your bedroom wishing you were cool. N.B. Sassy one liners and agonising internal tumors not included.

[$79]
Are you paranoid that the Government wants to take away your right to bear razorblades, dollar bills, tic-tacs and cheese strings? Then just purchase one of these Premium Concealed Carry Belts, and they'll never find your precious treasure, no matter how much the Feds pat you down. Items can be stored within the belt's three hidden pouches, and the belt itself is made of strong English harness leather. Also, its buckle is apparently so strong it could easily break a car window. I don't know why that would ever be necessary, but I guess it doesn't hurt to know. Available in various sizes from anorexic through to morbidly obese, this belt can also be used to store bullets, secrets, wasps, love notes, candy bars, toilet paper and rice.

[$35.96]
Has your work colleague seen you slacking off playing World of Warcraft at your desk? Perhaps the woman who sits next to you noticed you took 40 minutes to have a dump yesterday. If so, why not blind your enemies / coworkers with this Mini Toothpick Crossbow. With a range of thirty to fifty feet, this mini maiming device can cause trauma to human flesh and soda cans alike. You could probably use it to reenact the Battle of Hastings using mice too, if you wanted.

[$174]
Liu Kang. Super Mario. The Human Torch. What do they all have in common? Yes, obviously they’re all a Sagittarius but what else? Oh yeah, they can shoot fire from their hands, and now so can you thanks to the Pyro Handheld Fire Shooter. You know something is cool when it requires you to watch a safety video in full before purchasing. Using flash cotton and a wrist mounted holster you can use this device for one of two things. 1.) Become a dorky magician. Or 2; roam the streets fighting crime / committing crime. I’d call myself Captain Cystitis, because nothing burns like me.

[$29.99] / [£19.71]
When you’re out in the woods or in a bar full of hipsters do you suddenly get the urge to chop something? Me too! This Tactical Credit Card Ax may come in handy then. The stainless steel multi-tool fits into a credit card and contains parts to modify a stick into a tomahawk, ax, knife or small shovel, in addition to various wrench, socket and saw functions. It is made by Survco, a disabled veteran owned and operated business. Basically guys who lost limbs want to help you take other people’s with ease.

[$55] / [£34.99]
Picture the scene. It’s Christmas, Grandma has come over and is being a bit racist as usual. You’ve had a little bit too much to drink. You open a present, and it’s this Street Fighter Christmas Jumper. What do you do? “Hadouken!”. Grandma is hurled through the window and she crumples into a heap on the street below. You turn away, thinking your job is done. But no, she picks herself up and rips off her overcoat, revealing a saucy pair of Chun-Li style knickers, which she flashes at you as she attempts a spinning bird kick to your face. Obviously she’s 83, and instead she falls over and breaks her hip, which ruins Christmas for everyone. But do you know what won’t ruin Christmas? Buying someone this official Street Fighter jumper, which is made from Acrylic, available in all regular people sizes, and is quite frankly the finest Christmas jumper ever made.

[$29.99] / [£14.79]
Skewer your books like a Ninja with these Katana bookends, well not really, the ends are cleverly held on with magnets but it does make for a great looking stack of books!

[$30] / [£50]
These ninja throwing star magnets make it look like you've thrown and pinned you notes, kids drawings and receipts to the fridge! Wooopah!