[$14.70] / [£10.24]
Unfortunately if you came here looking for a way you could pay to stamp on Nicolas Cage’s face we can’t help you, although if we’re honest his career has gone so shit so quickly he’d probably let you do it for free just to lick the gum off your shoe. This Nicolas Cage Face Stamp is of the inky variety, and I’m going to assume you know how a stamp works so let’s not concern ourselves with that. This is made from wood and rubber, just like Nicolas Cage’s face. That doesn’t make any sense. Leave me alone.

[$18.39] / [£12.99]
The definition of Netflix and Chill is to invite someone over to have sex under the premise of watching TV. The definition of Netflix and Grill is to involve grilled objects in this equation, which may or may not already be part of your sex life depending on what you’re into. Coming in both vegan and delicious animal varieties, these pan-packed ready meals can be thrown straight under the grill and your food will be done in the time it takes to get bored of Orange is the New Black – 8 minutes. This service isn’t available everywhere yet so don’t get too excited, but you’ll know when it’s come to your area as it will be marked by a sudden surge of lazy fat bastards getting heart attacks.

[$26] / [£19.99]
Has anyone ever asked you to project whatever shite you're watching on your phone onto a wall, so they and everyone around you can bask in its glory? No, me neither. But if you have experienced this unlikely scenario then you'll need this Smartphone Projector 2.0, as its capable of turning Youtube vids, streamed content and homemade phone porn into a cinematic viewing experience. Available in both a black / gold or copper design, this bastard will work straight out of the box with both the iPhone 6 and the iPhone 6s. Does it work with any other phones? I do not know. Why not buy it and find out for yourself you lazy git.

[$51.95]
Have you got a seriously hot neighbour you'd like to watch getting undressed? Perhaps there's a secret military base nearby that you'd like to scope out without being shot to death. If so, the AER GoPro Foam Dart is exactly what you need. This aerodynamic foam missile is capable of housing the GoPro HERO 3+, 4 and 5 models, and once its snugly inside you can hurl it as far as your weak little chicken arms allow, and have you GoPro film the whole journey. No longer will you need a drone to take sexy shots down ladies' blouses, now you just need a sweet pitching arm and a good aim.

[$86.79] / [£69.99]
Wish you could use different lenses with the iPhone to take ever more elaborate pictures of your ugly wife, disappointing kids and bland, tasteless meals? Great. Then you'll probably want this Olloclip set of iPhone lenses won't you, you fatuitous prick. Apparently these lenses have similar perspectives to DSLR cameras, but I don't care. They also include fish-eye, super wide 120 degree view, and some other bobbins too, but I don't care about that either. Look, if you're going buy this stuff will you just do it and leave me alone? Thank you.

[$99]
If you want to take a selfie from high up in the air you've got four options. First, buy a selfie stick and look like a prick. Second, stretch your arms out using medieval torture equipment. Third, throw it up in the air and hope for the best. Or fourth, buy an Airselfie Flying Smartphone Camera, which is compatible with both android and Samsung phones. Because windows and blackberry can go fuck themselves. Basically, it's a smartphone case with a drone camera in it, but you don't have to stop at selfies. Why not fly above ladies and film down their tops? Use it to scope out your ever-increasing bald patch. Or even give a tiny baby mouse the ride of its life and film the whole thing. Go on you cow, you know you want to.

[$299] / [£229.99]
I haven't seen the new Star Wars movies, but if I had, and if I liked drones, and if I had several hundred bucks, and nothing to do with my weekend, and didn't care what people thought of me, I'd definitely buy one of these Star Wars Battle Drones and smash it into some crows down the park. Available in Starfighter, Speeder Bike and Tie Advanced varieties, these drones also pack a set of on-board speakers, a revolutionary reverse propulsion system (no idea) and a top speed of up to 35 miles an hour. If you've got enough friends you can also have virtual laser battles in the sky with other drones, as each pad vibrates every time a shot makes impact. Or, if you have no friends, just get drunk and crash it into some bird's nests. It's what Carrie Fisher would've wanted.

[$199.99]
Ketchup is fun. Mayonnaise is fun. Combine them? Seafood sauce. Paper airplanes are fun. Drones are fun. Combine them? This Paper Airplane VR Drone Model Kit. Capable of speeds up to 20mph and able to fly for ten minutes on a single charge, what's even more fancy is that the drone's on-board camera can be synched to your smartphone, which in turn can be placed into the accompanying Google Cardboard headset. You know what that means don't you? This drone can be used to peep into ladies' bedrooms and recreate in virtual reality what it would feel like to be some kind of hovering pervert.

[$45]
Who needs stupid electricity anyway? That's what I always say. Because of electricity we can't take toasters in baths, we have to run away when lightning happens, and we've lost some of the world's most enchanting serial killers. I hate electricity so much. So I'm really glad that this Jollylook Cardboard Vintage Camera eschews the use of power and allows you to take photographs using nothing more than cardboard and some holes. It works using Instax film and its body is entirely comprised of recycled materials, so as well as taking pictures you can be a right smug prick about it too.

[$19.89]
Do you want a seat belt cover that makes you feel like you're Chewbacca? It's a simple question, yes or no. If yes, buy one of these. If no, congratulations. These belt covers are handmade by some old witch who sells them through Amazon and Etsy, and she makes them out of fake fur, vinyl trim and cat hair. The last one is a lie, but you've only got her word for that.

[$32.79] / [£9.99]
Did you know that John McClane from Die Hard had a purple vest with “fiddle my nips” written on it? And that Hans Gruber's chest hair was yellow with turquoise polka dots? It's true, but if you don't believe me why not find out for yourself by purchasing Die Hard: The Official Colouring Book. Containing at least “some” pages of stills from Die Hard outlined and ready for you to colour, this book is perfect for when you want to wind down and do a bit of art without really having to think. You can even go outside the lines if you want. Who's gonna stop you? ISIS? Probably not.