[$30] /
How many times have you been caught without a tripod for your iPhone? Is it four, more than four, or less than four? If it's exactly or more than four then you should probably buy this Pocket iPhone Tripod so you don't suffer extreme embarrassment ever again. This tripod is portable to hide in your pocket, but strong enough to hold an iPhone at any angle. Compatible with models made since 2010 now you can watch videos on the train, play music out of the rear speaker properly, or keep both hands free whilst browsing pictures of your ex-girlfriend.

[$26] / [£19.99]
Has anyone ever asked you to project whatever shite you're watching on your phone onto a wall, so they and everyone around you can bask in its glory? No, me neither. But if you have experienced this unlikely scenario then you'll need this Smartphone Projector 2.0, as its capable of turning Youtube vids, streamed content and homemade phone porn into a cinematic viewing experience. Available in both a black / gold or copper design, this bastard will work straight out of the box with both the iPhone 6 and the iPhone 6s. Does it work with any other phones? I do not know. Why not buy it and find out for yourself you lazy git.

[$51.95]
Have you got a seriously hot neighbour you'd like to watch getting undressed? Perhaps there's a secret military base nearby that you'd like to scope out without being shot to death. If so, the AER GoPro Foam Dart is exactly what you need. This aerodynamic foam missile is capable of housing the GoPro HERO 3+, 4 and 5 models, and once its snugly inside you can hurl it as far as your weak little chicken arms allow, and have you GoPro film the whole journey. No longer will you need a drone to take sexy shots down ladies' blouses, now you just need a sweet pitching arm and a good aim.

[$86.79] / [£69.99]
Wish you could use different lenses with the iPhone to take ever more elaborate pictures of your ugly wife, disappointing kids and bland, tasteless meals? Great. Then you'll probably want this Olloclip set of iPhone lenses won't you, you fatuitous prick. Apparently these lenses have similar perspectives to DSLR cameras, but I don't care. They also include fish-eye, super wide 120 degree view, and some other bobbins too, but I don't care about that either. Look, if you're going buy this stuff will you just do it and leave me alone? Thank you.

[$19.95]
Throw away all the tools in your house right now. Have you done that? Good. Now purchase this Ifixit Essential Electronics Toolkit, as it promises to replace 99% of the gadgets you use to repair household electronic items. I probably should've specified that beforehand. Oh well. This handy piece of ass contains a magnetized driver handle, precision tweezers, opening tools, a spudger, and all the screwdriver bits you'll ever need in a lovely portable carrying case. This set should prove especially useful during the short period between breaking your phone and taking it to the repair shop, you know, that time when you convince yourself you can fix your cracked screen using a Youtube tutorial and a Pritt Stick.

[£8]
If you've ever seen a large concrete structure and thought "christ that is one ugly bastard building", then chances are you've encountered the movement known as Brutalism. Brutalist architecture flourished between the 1950's and 1970's, and some of London's most god-awful examples have been lovingly documented in this, the Blue Crow Map of Brutalist London. So for the worst day out you've ever had in your life, why not pick up a copy and depress yourself beyond tablets with some of the most intimidating architecture England's capital city has to offer.

[$199.99]
Ketchup is fun. Mayonnaise is fun. Combine them? Seafood sauce. Paper airplanes are fun. Drones are fun. Combine them? This Paper Airplane VR Drone Model Kit. Capable of speeds up to 20mph and able to fly for ten minutes on a single charge, what's even more fancy is that the drone's on-board camera can be synched to your smartphone, which in turn can be placed into the accompanying Google Cardboard headset. You know what that means don't you? This drone can be used to peep into ladies' bedrooms and recreate in virtual reality what it would feel like to be some kind of hovering pervert.

[$45]
Who needs stupid electricity anyway? That's what I always say. Because of electricity we can't take toasters in baths, we have to run away when lightning happens, and we've lost some of the world's most enchanting serial killers. I hate electricity so much. So I'm really glad that this Jollylook Cardboard Vintage Camera eschews the use of power and allows you to take photographs using nothing more than cardboard and some holes. It works using Instax film and its body is entirely comprised of recycled materials, so as well as taking pictures you can be a right smug prick about it too.

[$199]
The Pup Pocket Scanner is a small, wireless scanner capable of capturing images and text on the go. Seen some interesting toilet graffiti? Break out the Pup. Weird stain on your shorts? The Pup will snap a shot. Literally anything that is scannable can be scanned with the scantastic scanning abilities of the Pup Pocket Scanner. And the best part is, if you accidentally leave it on all day, you'll come home to 3,945,985,472 pictures of your pocket. Hooray!

[$149]
Worried about getting shafted from behind by some dick in an Audi? Worry no more, because the Waylens 360 Dashboard Cam is here to save the day. This dashboard mounted security camera captures everything that's happening from every angle of your car, unless your fat ass is sat in the way of it. And this handy gadget isn't just useful when you're driving either. The Waylens also transmits video directly to your smartphone, so when that asshole kid from next door is keying your side panels again, you'll have enough evidence to justify doing the same thing to his face later that night.

[$19.59] / [£14.99]
Do you have a face like a slapped arse? Worry not you grotesquely ugly freak, for this Take Better Selfies Lens Kit is here to save you...probably. I mean you can't polish a turd; trust me, I've tried. But what you can do is take less crappy photographs of your unfortunately constructed mug thanks to the array of clip-on lenses included in this deluxe 5 in 1 kit.

[$33.90] / [£25.95]
Ever wondered what a woman's scream looks like? How about your child's gargling noises as they choke on a small piece of asparagus at dinner? Now you can find out and save these precious moments forever, thanks to this Personalised Sound Print some clever sod on Etsy has made. Available in several different stlyes and colours, your print will say what the soundwave represents beneath it. I wonder if they're prepared to lie? I'd love it if my sister thought her soundwave said she was beautiful, only for me to reveal on her death bed I called her a fat slag and had it immortalised in print.