[$12.32] / [£9.99]
What would you do if your organs suddenly fell out of your body? How would you react if Jesus came back to life and called you a prick? I don't know, and neither do the authors of the Worst Case Scenario Survival Handbook. But what they will tell you is how to survive an alligator attack, what to do if you're trapped in quicksand, and the easiest method of removing a tongue that is stuck to a frozen pole. There are also a few wackier ones too, such as how to escape from a giant octopus, and what you should do if a man in a costume is being over-affectionate. And if you're too lazy to read books like a great big nark then just look up the answers on the searchable CD provided with it.

[$13.59] / [£13.49]
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k is intended as an antidote to those corny self-help books that tell you how to find your inner goddess by shoving plums up your arse. Written by a blogger so you know it's dead good, this book claims to help you cut through the crap and stop being so damn positive all the time. I mean, being positive can be hard work I guess. Just ask Charlie Sheen.

[$44.99]
If I had one of these Wipebook Reusable Notebooks I'd try to erase the last ten years of my life, because they've been nothing but an abject failure. The pages of this notebook are covered in hypergloss film enabling you to smear away your errors like so many accidental pregnancies, and with plenty of options including ruled pages, large sizes and egg-scented (discontinued), you're sure to find a Wipebook Reusable Notebook to match your permanently soiled soul.

[$12.79] / [£9.99]
Remember those Choose Your Own Adventure books we had as kids? They always ended up taking you on a magical journey through enchanted kingdoms, haunted houses and futuristic spaceships. Man they were good. But has anyone ever made one where instead of all that, you got taken in by a brutal cult and molested with a cucumber? They have now, with this book that answers the question "Which Cult Shall I Join?" Scientologist? Mormon? Worshipper of the Devil's Colon? Find out which cult you should join today.

[$27.49] / [£14.99]
Oh look, some bloke off the internet has released a cookery book. THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THE WORLD NEEDED RIGHT NOW. Action Bronson, who is a man I've never heard of, apparently does raps and things when he's not making cookery books. F*ck, That's Delicious is the result of him being sent around the world to eat stuff, write down what was in that stuff, and sell someone else's recipes to you, the hungry consumer. Lovely. It's got 40 pages. That's a lot isn't it?

[$24.47] / [£19.17]
America loves nothing more than to cook the innocent corpses of foreign citizens via yet another successful freedom bombing. But sometimes they like to cook food too, as you'll see in this 800-recipe tome called America: The Cookbook. As well as a bunch of food instructions, you'll also find 50 essays written about the cuisine of every American state. You won't read them, but they're there. Go Murica!

[$509.99]
Typing these product descriptions out is hard work you know. It's often difficult to concentrate what with so many OH LOOK HULK HOGAN'S NUDES OMG. This Distraction Free Smart Typewriter is probably something I should invest in then, since it allows for nothing more than typing, rereading and WOW DID YOU KNOW MARK WAHLBERG ONCE BEAT A GUY NEARLY TO DEATH? Wi-fi compatible and with a stupidly long battery life, this portable typing kerjigger can be synched with Dropbox, Evernote and Google Drive, allowing you to finally finish that novel you've been writing about HOLY CRAP THE TECHNICAL TERM FOR THE BUTT CRACK IS THE INTERGLUTEAL CLEFT.

[$12.95]
Field Notes make fancy designer note books, and this one is based on the look of ye olde Dime Novels. Dime Novels are basically really tiny books that you can keep in your pocket, lose on the train or lose on the bus. People used to read them before Kindles and pornography stole their attention. This 72-page notebook pretends to be one, just like you'll pretend to be an actual proper writer when you draw dirty cartoons inside it.

[$10.17] / [£8.99]
There isn’t a single school kid who, upon starting to learn a foreign language, doesn’t immediately turn to the dictionary to find out how to call someone a shit-face, cock-felch or ass-clown. Travelling around the world to swear at foreigners has been made that much easier with this book, How To Swear Around The World. You’ll learn how to curse someone’s mother, wish them a painful death, and most fun of all, imply they have sex with animals. Which we all do. Just admit it.

[$6.44] / [£2.48]
Save your book spine, read with ONE hand, THEN use the Thumb Thing as a bookmark in between reading sessions.

[$29.99] / [£14.79]
Skewer your books like a Ninja with these Katana bookends, well not really, the ends are cleverly held on with magnets but it does make for a great looking stack of books!