Coloured Toilet Roll
[$19.40] / [£6.99]
The Romans used a sponge on a stick, some societies still use their hands, but aren’t we just as bad? For years we’ve wiped our arses with plain old white crinkled paper, so it’s time for a change. Until we figure out how to use the three seashells method from Demolition Man we’re going to have to stick to paper, literally, with our excrement. Isn’t that a lovely image. Renova have brought out a range of coloured crack wipes that are lightly scented, soft and absorbent…until you use them to scrape up last night’s takeaway of course. Coming in packs of six, they even do a brown version, which is funny, because that’s the colour of poo. Unless you’re ill, in which case they also do yellow and red versions. I’d suggest you go to the doctor before buying fancy bot paper though.
Is your picky anus still not satisfied? How about glow in the dark bog roll or designer plop rubs. And even shiny shiny gold bumkerchiefs, like what the Queen probably uses when she’s run out of swans.