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Giant Enter Key
[$14.99] / [£11.99]
When I get angry at my computer I throw it out the window with scant regard for the safety of passers by. If you'd rather punch something, buy a cat. Or, just get one of these massive Giant Enter Keys and smash that with your stupid great fist instead. This 140x200mm fluffy giant enter key actually works too. All you need to do is plug it into your computer via USB and voila, you can feel like a big toughy every time you finish a sentence.

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Giant Enter Key
Giant Enter Key

Giant Enter Key →

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Thermal Sensitive iPhone Case
[$10.95] / [£8.38]
Is your phone on fire right now? How do you know for sure? Is there smoke? Are there flames? You've no idea have you, you hapless fool. Thankfully, this Thermal Sensitive iPhone Case is capable of alerting you to the presence of heat on your phone while simultaneously protecting it. You could even throw your phone into the sun and it would still survive, probably.

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Thermal Sensitive iPhone Case
Thermal Sensitive iPhone Case

Thermal Sensitive iPhone Case →

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Hovercraft Golf Cart
[$58,000]
Finally, Donald Trump can go golfing in Puerto Rico. This Hovercraft Golf Cart glides over sand traps and water hazards with ease, and to be honest it would probably clear a small man if you weren't bothered about the consequences. With a top speed of 45mph forwards and 25 mph backwards, this vehicle is capable of whisking you away from tragedy and back onto hole nine in the time it takes to criticise a nation's relief efforts.

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Hovercraft Golf Cart
Hovercraft Golf Cart

Hovercraft Golf Cart →

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Wall Mounted Can Crusher
[$13.70] / [£10.24]
Do you love recycling but you've lost your legs in a war? How awful. There is literally no other way you could crush down a beer can other than This Wall Mounted Can Crusher. Capable of squeezing 12 and 16 ounce cans into oblivion, this product is more an act of charity than anything. I firmly believe that even limbless veterans should be able to recycle without prejudice. Hail Hydra.

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Wall Mounted Can Crusher

Wall Mounted Can Crusher →

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Creepy Baby Masks
[$650]
One day giant babies will take over the Earth. That's the way science is going. I don't have any actual evidence for that assumption, but it is undeniably true. If you want to blend in with those humongous infants then you'll need a disguise of some sort. I'd suggest one of these Creepy Baby Masks made out of latex and real baby skin. Although, I guess they're only creepy if you hate babies. Do you? What a terrible thing to say. Kiss that baby now before someone overhears what a monster you are.

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Creepy Baby Masks
Creepy Baby Masks

Creepy Baby Masks →

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The Lomo'Instant Square Camera
[$129]
Here is a new kind of camera which is a lot like an old kind of camera except it's new. The Lomo'Instant Square Camera works with both Fujifilm and Instax Square Film; both of which are too f**king expensive if you ask me. The Lomo also has multiple exposure and colour gel filter capabilities, which makes me so happy inside I think I've pissed myself. This Kickstarter project will ship next year, or never if we all die in a nuclear apocalypse beforehand.

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The Lomo'Instant Square Camera
The Lomo'Instant Square Camera

The Lomo'Instant Square Camera →

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Personalised Sound Print
[$33.90] / [£25.95]
Ever wondered what a woman's scream looks like? How about your child's gargling noises as they choke on a small piece of asparagus at dinner? Now you can find out and save these precious moments forever, thanks to this Personalised Sound Print some clever sod on Etsy has made. Available in several different stlyes and colours, your print will say what the soundwave represents beneath it. I wonder if they're prepared to lie? I'd love it if my sister thought her soundwave said she was beautiful, only for me to reveal on her death bed I called her a fat slag and had it immortalised in print.

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Personalised Sound Print
Personalised Sound Print

Personalised Sound Print →

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Mouth Moving Animal Masks
[$59.99]
Furries rejoice! Your prayers have been answered. This set of Mouth Moving Animal Masks for sale at Vat 19 are so realistic that when someone is wearing one you'll actually think you're mounting a real, 14-stone pug. Available in lion, wolf and fox as well as pug dog varieties, these masks strap on to your mouth tightly, providing an unsettlingly realisitic (and arousing) appearance.

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Mouth Moving Animal Masks
Mouth Moving Animal Masks

Mouth Moving Animal Masks →

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Monster Mushions Big Face Cushions
[$32.69] / [£24.99]
It's quite expensive to get someone to sit on your face, but these Monster Mushions Big Face Cushions are relatively cheap, which will save me millions in the long term. These personalised decorative cushions would make a fantastic gift for someone who's recently lost a loved one too. Just imagine how their own normal sized face will light up when they unwrap a cushion of their dead friend, lover or parent.

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Monster Mushions Big Face Cushions
Monster Mushions Big Face Cushions

Monster Mushions Big Face Cushions →

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Grammar: Know Your Sh*t or Know You're Sh*t
[$10.49] / [£7.99]
Are you done words all a broken time? Try write a thing go wrong bad? Sort fix make with grammar book here this. I spented school time fingered back of class. Learn bits but not much. Now I get help from thanks to Grammar: Know Your Sh*t or Know You're Sh*t, it clever book make brain better good learn write. Super cool words inside. I are professor nao.

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Grammar: Know Your Sh*t or Know You're Sh*t
Grammar: Know Your Sh*t or Know You're Sh*t

Grammar: Know Your Sh*t or Know You're Sh*t →

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Coffee to Grow
[$13.09] / [£9.99]
How long would you be willing to wait for a coffee? A minute? Five minutes? Several f**king months? If it's the latter then great, you should buy this Coffee to Grow kit and find something to do for the best part of a year. Containing one massive Arabica Nana bean and a bunch of biodegradeable shite, after a few months you can wazz this cup in the ground and voila, out will come a coffee plant. Now all you need is a cow for the milk. Good luck growing that out of a mug you daft arse.

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Coffee to Grow

Coffee to Grow →

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Abusive Gift Wrap
[$11.79] / [£8.99]
This set of Abusive Gift Wrap provides you with four sheets of gift paper and four gift tags to really ruin someone's birthday, baby shower, valentines day or wake. The stylish font combines delightfully with the profanities to offer a deceptively classy appearance at first. But as good as this is, I feel the best form of abusive gift wrap can be made by wrapping someone's presents in photographs of them looking fat and ugly.

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Abusive Gift Wrap
Abusive Gift Wrap

Abusive Gift Wrap →

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