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Home Winemaking Kit
[$239]
Remember those lovely folks at Box Brew Kits with their Beer Making shenanigans? Well they're back and this time they're helping you make your own wine! What kind of wine? Delicious wine. Is there any other kind? No. All wine is delicious. But if you want the specifics then anything from a Chilean Merlot to a Pinot Noir is possible with this kit. You could probably make some Blue Nun if you tried really hard. This kit comes with enough stuff, junk and whatsits to make five gallons of wonderful forget-me-juice, and you can be drinking your own fancy-pants grown-up grape juice in as little as four weeks. That's less than the time it takes to buy wine in shops! If you're too drunk to walk that is.

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Home Winemaking Kit
Home Winemaking Kit
Home Winemaking Kit

Home Winemaking Kit →

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Po Man Charcoal BBQ Grill
[$114.99]
As the summer months approach there are two things you'll begin to smell - the delicious aroma of charred meat and the musty stench of hot garbage. So why not combine the two with this wonderful Po Man Charcoal BBQ Grill! This bit of kit is a fully working charcoal grill disguised as a regular trash can, so not only can you throw meat on it for cooking al-fresco, but inevitably some idiots will think it’s a regular garbage can and use it to store their trash. Inside you'll find a coal box, starter pan, skewers and a temperature adjusting vent, but none of this will matter when you realise someone has thrown a used diaper on top of your lightly charred steak. I think it'll enhance the flavour if anything.

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Po Man Charcoal BBQ Grill
Po Man Charcoal BBQ Grill

Po Man Charcoal BBQ Grill →

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Timberleaf Camping Trailer
[$15,250]
Justin Timberleaf is my favourite music song guy, and now the clever sod has gone and made a camping trailer to! The Timberleaf Camping Trailer is easily towed by most passenger vehicles and provides a lovely warm place to sleep when you're out camping in the woods stalking your ex-girlfriend. Weighing at under 1,200 pounds, or half a Rosie O'Donnell, the Timberleaf comes equipped with a queen mattress, generous storage space, and a washing station. You know, to wash your lovely portion in.

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Timberleaf Camping Trailer
Timberleaf Camping Trailer
Timberleaf Camping Trailer

Timberleaf Camping Trailer →

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Tanner Goods Cargo Carryall
[$300]
Unless you've trained animals or children to carry your shit for you lugging junk around can be rather laborious, and let's be honest, grown men wearing backpacks look like child molesters. The Tanner Goods Cargo Carryall has no such image problem, as this rugged military-style utility bag makes you look like a real man carrying manly things for your day as a regular non-molesting man. Made from 18oz olive cotton canvas and equipped with a clash hook, duffle keeper and grommet hardware, the Cargo Carryall will last longer than a condom in a virgin's wallet - guaranteed.

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Tanner Goods Cargo Carryall
Tanner Goods Cargo Carryall
Tanner Goods Cargo Carryall

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Woody Ford Bronco
[$74,900]
Classic Ford Broncos are a US company who fix up and pimp out old Ford Broncos, because if they restored old Cadillacs their name would make no god damn sense. This 1974 wooden bronco is a one of a kind restore job available to one lucky person with $74,900 to spaff in their general direction. The car itself is powered by a fuel-injected 302 V8 engine and comes with automatic transmission, power steering, power disc brakes, and a shitload of wood stuck to its bodywork. The wood is marine-grade, which I assume makes it waterproof, but I don't know what I'm talking about, so don't trust me. I could've made this car up for all you know. I probably have.

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Woody Ford Bronco
Woody Ford Bronco
Woody Ford Bronco

Woody Ford Bronco →

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Sony Hi-Res Turntable
[$598] / [£449.25]
Listening to music on vinyl is a rich, fulfilling experience only spoiled by the fact that you look like a right twat playing records off a turntable, especially if you're sat on the subway. The Sony Hi-Res USB Turntable is the solution to all your audio woes, as it allows you to capture all the delicious sounds of old-timey record players into a lossless DSD or WAV file. Copy the tracks via USB to your PC, Mac or USB compatible trousers, then you can compress the shit out of them into an mp3 and store it on your phone if you want. I don't know why you would, but you could.

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Sony Hi-Res Turntable
Sony Hi-Res Turntable
Sony Hi-Res Turntable

Sony Hi-Res Turntable →

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The Powerbreather
[$149.99] / [£100]
Despite resembling a double-edged dildo the Powerbreather is actually a pretty nifty piece of kit. Many people love to swim, but as soon as they drop below the ocean depths they are suddenly hit with the realisation that breathing water is bad for you. If you hate drowning as much as I do then it makes sense to buy one of these pimped out snorkels, as they come with two adjustable breathing tubes for double the oxygen action. Each tube also has a valve to reduce carbon dioxide intake, so this thing might come in handy whilst riding the office lift with Andy from accounts and his burrito breath.

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The Powerbreather
The Powerbreather
The Powerbreather

The Powerbreather →

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The Eagle Speedster
[£450,000]
The Jaguar E-type is the kind of car men want to make love to, and many frequently do, mangling their man bits in the process. But if you're confident you can improve on greatness then the folks at Eagle are now offering a custom-built Eagle Speedster based entirely on the original E-type model. You could add racing stripes, speed holes, an easy access dogging roof - whatever the hell you want! Jeremy Clarkson called the Eagle Speedster the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen, but he's a racist who punched a man for not bringing him his dinner, so just watch the video and see for yourself.

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The Eagle Speedster
The Eagle Speedster
The Eagle Speedster

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Minipresso Portable Espresso Maker
[$72.59] / [£49.99]
Since the last of the chain coffee shops was made extinct in 2009, it’s been tough for everyday folks to get decent coffee on the go. Thankfully the Minipresso Portable Espresso Maker is here to save the day and wake up the nation. I don’t know which nation…Botswana? Yeah why the fuck not. This sleek and slender device fits in your pocket and brews you a lovely coffee using your own hand-pump action. Pretty nifty right? So whether you’re up a mountain, trapped in a sex dungeon, or in Starbucks toilets screwing the system, you can have a wonderful cup of joe on the go. Now go away while I pump myself a hot one.

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Minipresso Portable Espresso Maker
Minipresso Portable Espresso Maker
Minipresso Portable Espresso Maker

Minipresso Portable Espresso Maker →

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Pizza Towels
[$39.95] / [£34]
Actual pizzas don’t make the best drying implements, in fact they often lead to greased up shins and an over-cheesing of the groin. This Pepperoni Pizza towel is therefore perfect for those who want the experience of drying themselves with a pizza without the downside of looking and smelling like an Italian. This 1.5 metre cotton towel will soon be available in vegetarian, presumably because some knobhead complained. Get ready for summer 2016’s gluten-free towel range.

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Pizza Towels
Pizza Towels
Pizza Towels

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