The Window Pillow
[$29.99] / [£19]
The automobile is an invention which has revolutionised mankind. It helps us get places we want, it runs over animals, and it pollutes the atmosphere enough to show mother nature we ain’t her bitch. The only downside is how frigging uncomfortable they are to sleep in. All of us remember family trips out where we tried to sneak some z’s by napping on a rolled up coat, the family dog or a relative’s groin. Finally, a century after the car came along, comes the Window Pillow. This is a fancy new travel pillow which can be stuck to windows using the suckers included. Stick it on the inside of car windows to grab a sly 40 winks, or sleep outside a stranger’s window and watch them eat Christmas dinner and then undress, as you fall into a saucy little slumber whilst the police arrive. No window? No problem. It also folds into one of those U-shaped pillows you buy at airports that stop you ending up in a wheelchair after a seven hour flight. You can now sleep in any position, anywhere, any time. Even in a volcano, probably. Need something more stylish? Take a look at other sleep assisting items on our site including the Pillowig, the Pillow Tie and the Wrap a Nap blindfold pillow. Sleeping has never been so easy.

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The Window Pillow
The Window Pillow

Box Brew Kits Craft Your Own Beer in style
[$189 - $279] / [£120 - £177]
I once bought one of those cheap beer fermenting kits from a supermarket, and the results tasted like the water you find at the bottom of a bin, if it had been regurgitated by George Best. If you want to brew beer do it properly with one of these Box Brew Kits Homebrew packs. You can buy various combinations of kit designed to make between one and three gallons of delicious liquid amnesia, with all the full kits including the necessary vessels, fermenters, grains and hops. The bigger kits include flip-top bottles which you can also buy separately. But who needs a bottle, just pour the contents directly into your gob for best results. Unfortunately the only thing these kits do not come with are the necessary moustache, chest merkin and flannel shirt required to make you into a full on blokey bloke.

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Box Brew Kits Craft Your Own Beer in style
Box Brew Kits Craft Your Own Beer in style
Box Brew Kits Craft Your Own Beer in style
Box Brew Kits Craft Your Own Beer in style
Box Brew Kits Craft Your Own Beer

Clippa Mini Tools Clip
[$9.59] / [£6]
I was in a supermarket yesterday unscrewing the wheels of a trolley for fun, as you do, when suddenly some nark came along and told me to stop. As we struggled in the frozen produce aisle amongst the findus crispy pancakes, my long luscious hair got in my eyes, and I was summarily ejected from the store, with my trolley quid still in the now dismantled cart. If only I’d have bought the Clippa Mini Tools Clip, I’d have been able to save myself all this trouble! The clip is a multifunctional tool containing a wrench, three types of screwdriver, a trolley coin, a ruler and a cutting edge; all in a 6cm long hairclip! This means you can undo everything on a trolley, which you’ve nicked using the coin attachment, then slash open a packet of jaffa cakes and measure your winky with the ruler. All before casually slotting the clip back into your extravagant mane of long unruly hair. A trip to Tesco has never been this fun.

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Clippa Mini Tools Clip
Clippa Mini Tools Clip
Clippa Mini Tools Clip
Clippa Mini Tools Clip
Clippa Mini Tools Clip

Jello Wrestling Supplies
[$119+]
I love wrestling with my family. I especially enjoy it when we do it in food, with my personal preference being piping hot gravy, it makes my dad taste real nice. Equally good to wrestle in is Jello, which you can now buy from Jello Wrestling Supplies. Each package they sell can make 100 gallons of jello, which is enough to create a whole summer of slippery misunderstandings. Coming in orange, red and green, the jello is biodegradable, non-staining and non-toxic. It isn’t supposed to be eaten, as I imagine it tastes of nothing, but if you swallow some you won’t die. Strangely those are the same words I said to my first girlfriend. She’s dead now. Here’s a thought, buy a load of whipped cream and cake to throw into the mix. Trifle wrestling? My god, I’m a genius.

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Jello Wrestling Supplies
Jello Wrestling Supplies
Jello Wrestling Supplies
Jello Wrestling Supplies
Jello Wrestling Supplies

T-Rex Pasta Measurer
[$13] / [£6.99]
How many times do you host a fancy pants dinner party, when some jerk forgets to tell you they’ve invited a T-Rex as their plus one? For a start you’re going to have to buy in some extra-long forks for those tiny armed freaks. Then how do you know how much to serve them? Well we’ve got the second problem covered with the I Could Eat A T-Rex Pasta Measurererererer. I mean Measurer. It’s made of acrylic and has holes to shove pasta in, so you can measure the correct portion for a child, a lady, a gentleman or a T-Rex. If you have a morbidly obese friend then use the T-Rex option, for Dwarves use the child size one, and if your friend isn’t eating carbs because they’re like so bad for you, tell the T-Rex to rip their well-toned face off.

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T-Rex Pasta Measurer
T-Rex Pasta Measurer
T-Rex Pasta Measurer

Star Wars X-Wing Knife Block
[$109.95] / [£79.99]
There are so many places to store knives these days. In drawers. In the wall after you’ve had a few. In people and family pets. But avoid the hassle of the latter and keep all your sharp objects in this ever so fancy Star Wars X-Wing Knife Block. The block itself is made from rugged plastic apparently, which I guess means it has stubble and doesn’t talk about its feelings. The polished chrome effect makes it a classy addition to anyone’s kitchen, and the five high quality stainless steel knives can be used to chop fruits and vegetables, or cut out George Lucas’ heart when he fucks up the next Star Wars trilogy. The knives included are a cook’s knife, a bread knife, a carving knife, a utility knife and a paring knife. All of these knives would make excellent holes in that bearded arse-blister.

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Star Wars X-Wing Knife Block
Star Wars X-Wing Knife Block
Star Wars X-Wing Knife Block
Star Wars X-Wing Knife Block

3Doodler – The World’s First 3D Printing Pen
[$149.99] / [£99.99]
When I was a child I drew some horrific things, and I always wished they could one day come to life and haunt my family as they did my dreams. Well now they can! Because some clever sods made a pen you can draw 3D stuff out of. The 3Doodler allows you to physically draw stuff in the air, with no computers or robots required! Draw a horsey, draw a sunshine, draw a happy kitty! Or just do what everyone else will and make a load of 3D penises, with realistic throbbing veins. You could even draw yourself some food, and the best part is it would be completely poisonous! Awesome! This set comes with a plug to plug it in, obviously. You also get two refill packs called Meta and Essentials, and there are three other types available too. The only downside is the metal tip gets really hot. However a bonus feature is the metal tip which gets really hot. See what I did there? Burn people AND draw 3D stuff? It’s win win.

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3Doodler – The World’s First 3D Printing Pen
3Doodler – The World’s First 3D Printing Pen
3Doodler – The World’s First 3D Printing Pen
3Doodler – The World’s First 3D Printing Pen

The Godfather Mansion
[$2.89m]
Holy spazballs, the Godfather house is for sale! Total property boner. You can actually own the setting for two of the best movies of all time, and one really shit one, and it’s all yours for the princely sum of £1.85 million ($2.89m). If you are a millionaire and you aren’t buying this there is no point to your existence, kill yourself. 110 Longfellow Avenue on Staten Island, New York is home to 5 bedrooms, 7 bathrooms, a gym, a basement that features a mock English pub and 24,000 square feet of grounds. Imagine owning this place, wandering around pretending you’re Don Corleone. “Say hello to my little friend!”. “The truth, the truth, you can’t handle the truth!”. “I’m the king of the world!”. These are just some of the incorrect movie quotes you could say in Don Corleone’s voice while relaxing on the patio. Now here I’m supposed to make the obvious joke from Mr Obvioustown that you should make them an offer they can’t refuse. Imagine how many times the owners have heard that. It was probably a choice between selling the place or caving their own skulls in with a five iron. Still, for the price of a London one bedroom flat you could own the second most iconic home in movie villain history, after the Home Alone one. Kevin Mcallister kept a load of baby corpses in the basement, that’s why he wins.

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The Godfather Mansion
The Godfather Mansion

Front Runner Spare Tire BBQ Grate
[$138] / [£94.99]
So you’re driving along a dusty road, beach is nearby, then suddenly it hits you. Shit! I’ve not eaten beef today! You screech as you swerve across two lanes to crash your car into a family having a picnic, jump out of your car and whip out your meat. Then you realise you have nothing to cook it on! Well now you do. The Front Runner Spare tire BBQ Grate is simply a grate shaped piece of stainless steel you whack over your spare tire when not needed. Then when you suddenly get a hankering to cook meat outside, you whip it off, stick fire under it and food on top, and begin to slowly develop your very own spare tire as you gorge on animal parts. Fitting 29 inch to 35 inch tires, it doesn’t come with a strap or anything, but meat juices might help it cling to your tire. Also read the questions people have asked on their site, one idiot asked if they should let it cool down before fixing it back to their tire. That person is a moron.

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Front Runner Spare Tire BBQ Grate
Front Runner Spare Tire BBQ Grate
Front Runner Spare Tire BBQ Grate

The Nutribullet
[$89.99] / [£84.99]
When I first heard the name Nutribullet I thought finally! A pocket sized vibrator that provides all the vitamins and minerals a pervert like me needs with his hectic yet sensual lifestyle. Then I found out it was a kind of blender and not something that goes in your ass…the opposite in fact. The Nutribullet doesn’t juice stuff, it doesn’t blend stuff, it pulverizes the shit out of anything you put inside it. The Extractor blade cuts through stems, stalks, bone, souls and feelings easily, as does the accompanying milling blade. For just six easy payments of some money plus some more money for postage, you can get these sharp whirly things, the power base that does all the kerjigger, a 24oz cup, two smaller cups, lids and a recipe book. My favourite part of the promotional video is the lady who tells you to us the Nutribullet before turning to drugs. Wise advice lady, wise advice.

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The Nutribullet
The Nutribullet
The Nutribullet



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