The Tabletop Fireplace
[$99] / [£33.77]
I set fires in strange places. Hospitals, schools, my Uncle Ken’s hair. But sometimes I’m too lazy to go to the trouble of burning actual things. When I need a quick firey fix, or if I simply want a little desktop ambience while I browse the internet and touch myself, I use the Tabletop Fireplace. This Fireplace gives off nothing but water vapour and carbon dioxide, and in return bathes you and your naked body in the light of yellow, orange and red flickering flames. It can heat up an area up to 325 square inches, and one quart of liquid will produce five hours of heat. Keep your games nights, cheese competitions and drug orgies piping hot as they should be. Or dinner parties, I don’t know what filth you’re into.