Flump Face Personalised Marshmallow
[$20] / [£12.99]
Nowadays thanks to political correctness going mad, you can’t even chew off the face of someone you find attractive. I’m always going down the shops having a sneaky chew on a lady’s chops, but the rascals end up reporting me! The Flump Face personalised marshmallow sheet is a handy alternative in these times of prejudice. These A4 slices of marshmallow are vanilla flavoured and described as “a healthy alternative to outright cannibalism”. That’s a lie. Human meat is full of natural protein and if you don’t pick a fatty it’s as lean as anything. Marshmallows are sugar flaps. Choose people.