Polarized Titanium Sunglasses
How many times have you bought an awesome pair of sunglasses only to sit your fat ass on them five minutes later. Sure you can try and bend them back into shape, but you’ll end up looking like sloth from the goonies when they hang off your head half cocked. With a pair of Polarized Titanium Sunglasses you need never worry about buying another pair ever again, because they’re made out of the same material as the FASTEST FRIGGING JET IN THE WORLD! (SR-71 if you were wondering). These 80’s inspired sunnies have polarized CR-39 lenses, I don’t know what that means but I assume it stops you going blind in sunny weather. All this and the scratch resistant frames would make these bad boys amazing already, but then those clever designer bastards only went and carved a bottle opener into the side. Genius.